caught drunk. again.
but this time she didn’t scold.
i think she knows
what i am trying to drown.  

this is me
again,
dreaming too close to the ceiling.

today we had dinner
exchanged a smile across the
table and various other pleasantries

but you checked your phone
twice too often and

God, it just felt like i was
wasting your time

i need rules and someone who cracks me like a whip

i trust you. i trust you

5:52am
this is early morning emptiness
the strange kind that
only happens at such an hour. 

i gotta start posting like people I don’t know some of the people that follow me. otherwise im making this some other weirdo falsified and prettied-up profile on a  well known social network…

the words for this feeling are

empty dull unhelpful 

don’t know why i’ve been
so down these days.
i can’t get to the
heart of it.  

 things that make you sad -

• adderall comedowns
• feeling unwanted
• hangovers
• being alone for too long
• animal cruelty
• the idea of losing my mother
• my lack of goals/discipline 
• jamaica’s homophobia

the twirling vapor gliding atop the ocean’s surface curls
around my cheeks and caresses my inner ear
“deeper, deeper”
she beckons.
The dancing ocean floor slips
from beneath toe tips
and the water cools quickly.
“deeper deeper”
calls the black sea.

the words fall on the page 
clumsily.
ugly black critters, 
with many legs,
scurrying to make
themselves useful.
this is an utter waste of time.
uninspired
tired day in
and daily. 
this is time being passed.

the greek called it an old wound
and when i sleep on star-dim nights
i feel my brain go weak and the
melachonic taste melts onto my tongue.
metallic like blood never cooled
words never sung,
nights never spent.
my eyelids shut, blanked by the dark
sky
and colorful frescoes rich with
stains of nostalgia, paint themselves
painfully to the sides
of my memory.

no words for days like these
just time slipping into
regret 

we play games that number our minutes
and sometimes forget the value of holding hands.

a glance that lasts seconds gets my heart pounding
for a moment that seems to be just short of an eternity.

Had I known it would’ve been the last time i’d have counted
the number  of lines on each palm and the
places you kissed me goodbye. 

feeling down
 feeling disappointed
  feeling like all those times before

but it’s harder here
with no liquid comfort
 and razor blade courage

harder here
 all alone and
  not hidden by the haze

this is for when everything fades to black
and  i can’t recall
 from where
i know the people in the pictures.
this is for when we can smell the approach
of summer
and the air conditioners rumble to life
puffing the dust that had been settled since
early september or late august.
this is for when the songs of last summer
leave that melancholic taste
on your tongue and the nostalgia
only stings your eyes as you fail
to recall the vague details of the summer 
past
and the summer before 
that. this is for when
youth is rendered again
unimportant.